Building your Boundary Muscle
Boundaries are becoming a real buzz word these days. I see a lot of posts and talk about setting and keeping boundaries and talk a lot about this with my clients. As a result, they find more ways to self-care and preserve their well being.
But you may be asking yourself…WHAT DOES THAT REALLY MEAN?? What counts as a boundary? What scenarios need them? What self-care is it REALLY providing?
Listen in if you are
- someone who often feels limited by circumstance
- regularly affected by those around you
- feeling guilted into a commitment or decision
- carrying resentment or exhaustion due to the MANY roles you play
TOPICS by time stamp:
3:17- Why boundary setting isn’t always obvious
4:47- Poor Boundary setting
6:54- What counts as a boundary
8:20- Some types of boundaries
11:11- How to set a Boundary
11:14- Focus on your Behavior ( if you_____, I will _____)
12:35- Not changing other people’s behavior, Accepting them for where they are at
13:44- Make your decisions w/o explanation, saying no effectively, saying yes truthfully
17:10- Only take responsibility for communicating your boundary, not other people’s reaction to it.
19:07- Barriers to Boundary Setting
19:22- Being responsible for other people’s happiness
21:42- Fact: Boundaries require a level of confrontation
23:34- We weren’t taught how or didn’t grow up thinking we deserved boundaries
25:00 Results from building your boundary muscle
25:20- Increase self esteem, self respect, clear communication, helps you honor individuality
27:00- Kids and Boundaries
28:17- Sharing my story
32:40- Unintentionally stepping away from my authority
33:20- Negotiating and implementing my own mindset reframe
33:40- Pushing back is a normal part of child development- it is our job to guide that inclination in the right direction
34:38- Kids can’t MAKE you do anything. They can just make it uncomfortable for us to follow through
37:05- Violations are not about disrespect. They do not villanize you.
40:25- Remember, kids can’t “make you look bad” and reasons why…
45:00- Fair is a relative term.
46:27- Example of how complaining about school lunch leads to a boundary communication.
47:53- The Game Changer…..and how it relates back to adulthood
Links to What was talked about
Brooke Castillo: The Life Coach School
Book: Boundaries with Kids by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend
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